GRRRR - More evidence that I'm not perfect.

Bob and Dorothy came for a visit today.  Bob is our pastor, Dorothy's his wife.  They're a lovely couple, genuine, caring, soft-spoken, and kind.  We are blessed to know them, and privileged to have them as our brother and sister in Christ.

Bob led our family in a short Bible study on the book of James.  He started with James' view of himself, and James' view of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

James 1: 1 James, a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ,

James called himself a "servant" - doulos, slave.  He sees himself as nothing but a servant, but he has the very best Master - God...the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He sees Jesus as the Lord, the Sovereign God; as the Messiah who came to save the lost, and as the anointed one.  

James was the half-brother of Jesus.  They had the same mother, but different fathers.  Jesus' Father was God.  James' father was Joseph.

Pastor Bob asked the children, "What would it have been like to grow up in a home where your older brother was perfect?"  They all agreed that in some ways it would have been neat, but the example would have been very convicting.

Bob thanked the children for their prayers, and told them how grateful he is that we pray for him when he is overseas.  He reminded the kids that they were privileged to have Christian parents who teach them the Word of God and live a Christian life before them. As I sat there listening to the study, I was convicted again that I am nowhere near perfect. During the entire study, I sat there thinking, "I am not even speaking to my husband."

A few weeks ago, I was busy doing crafts with the grandkids on Co-op day.  Rick was busy doing his books, and when he was done with the billing, he brought me the invoices and asked me to get them in the mail.  "Not now," I snapped.  Couldn't he see that I was in the middle of things?

He continued to press me, so I grabbed the stuff and trotted it over to his desk.  "I'll do it later," I said.  "Or you can take it to the corner yourself."

He refused.  I thought he was stubborn.  The mail had gone for the day anyway, so I figured I could do it later.

Two weeks later, he tossed the package at me.  He'd been looking on his desk for something else, and there it was, under some papers.  I completely forgot to mail it.

"I'm sorry," I said, but the apology fell on deaf ears.  It was such a little thing.  I could have stopped what I was doing, and taken a quick trip to the corner.  In so doing, I would have honoured my husband.

Yet, he could have done it himself.  Or he could have sent one of the other FOUR people in the family that have drivers' licenses.  I stewed about it.  

It's not that I didn't feel responsible.  I did.  But I also felt frustrated.  

So, here it is two more weeks later, and our cheque hasn't arrived.  Money is tight.  Tempers are flaring.  

When I think about it some more, it just shows me what a sinner I am.  I should have dropped what I was doing and mailed the invoice.  Rick should have gracefully done it for me, knowing I was busy.  He made it an issue of whether or not I put him first in my life.  I made it an issue of whether or not he has a servant's heart.

We were both wrong.

God, as usual, is good.  When we think we're getting spiritually minded, able to teach, growing in grace, He lets us mess up so we can see what is really going on inside.  "Out of the heart the mouth speaks".  My impatience is evil.  My frustration is sinful.  There is sediment in my beaker, and it's not at all pretty.

I think too highly of myself.  I need to take a lesson from James.  I am nothing but a servant.  

But I do have the very best Master - the Lord Jesus Christ.  

Lord, help me to remember that I am truly nothing but a servant.  You are a Good Master, and you design my days and order my steps to teach my Your ways.  When grandkids are clamouring and husband is demanding and dogs are barking and the phone is ringing, help me to stop and ask You what You want me to do.  Fill me with your Spirit.  Help me to have a heart to serve.  In Christ, I pray.  Amen.

Contentment

I perch atop a ladder, filling flaws in the brick wall that we are painting with drywall mud, listening to the praise music emanating from Linda's computer, and I am content. I watch my husband grab the wood filler, repairing the cracks around the windows he installed, and I am deeply thankful.

He's not been so well of late. His heart has been acting up, beating irregularly, irratically, thumping hard in his chest, skipping beats. He's on a monitor for two weeks, and it keeps going off, signalling that it's full, and it's time to call in the results.

I think about the past thirty-five years with this man. Where has the time gone? How could it possibly be that we are now in our middle age, tottering towards the end of this earthly existence?

Rick's heart problems have driven home the fact that this marriage is momentary. Oh, I don't think for a second that either of us will leave. We're comfortable now. We understand each other. We sometimes celebrate the differences between us, and sometimes they're a thorn in our flesh, but we're definitely committed to the relationship.

I've thought about marriage a lot lately. I just finished reading a new book by John Piper, This Momentary Marriage. It was a reminder that marriage is designed by God, to be a reflection of Christ and His Church.

But marriage isn't easy. Two people coming together, from different backgrounds, with dissimilar tastes and desires, don't agree on much. And somehow, they have to live together in intimate fellowship, and work together to raise a family. Somehow, they have to be an example of God's grace.

Too often we have been an example of what it's like to have a sin nature. We've ignored one another, or yelled too much. We've dismissed each other's ideas, or failed to pay attention when the other one is hurting.

Yet here we are, 35 years after saying our "I do's", still sleeping in the same bed, sharing the same space, loving the same children and grandchildren, dreaming the same dreams. This is only by God's grace.

We are grateful for the little things. Rick likes to open his top drawer to see an abundance of socks. I love it when he opens the Word and teaches us, leading in prayer for God's blessing to be poured out on his family.

I am thankful that Rick can still drive that truck, ignoring the pain in his knee, bringing home enough money to make ends meet.

He is glad that I can climb a ladder, or help pile logs, or gut a chicken.

I am pleased as punch that he drives the tractor, digging holes or filling holes, moving garbage or compost, doing things that I could not possibly do.

He is happy when I make the business calls, or do the filing, or assist with paperwork.

I am thrilled when he hands me the card and tells me to get the paint I need to finish the project we are working on.

We both are comforted when we lie in each other's arms, crying out to God on behalf of a hurting daughter, or a wayward son. We share each other's burdens, and often that is more important than sharing the blessings. We're not in it alone: we have each other.

It's the little things that matter, day in, day out. We've been at this a long time, and I am content.

If God should choose, I hope to be blogging on my 40th anniversary, then the 45th, the 50th, and so on. It won't be long, I'm sure, judging by how fast the first 35 years have flown by.

Happy 35th anniversary, my love.

Marriage

This is from the new Webster's dictionary online. Read the second definition of marriage.

Main Entry:mar·riage

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
Date: 14th century

1

a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law

(2): the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage marriage>

b: the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock

c: the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage

2: an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities

3: an intimate or close union marriage of painting and poetry — J. T. Shawcross>

Compare that to the 1828 definition of marriage:

MAR'RIAGE, n. [L.mas, maris.] The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity,and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. Heb.13.

1. A feast made on the occasion of a marriage.

The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king, who made a marriage for his son. Matt.22.

2. In a scriptural sense, the union between Christ and his church by the covenant of grace. Rev.19.

Since time began and since God created male and female, the definition of marriage has been the same: the union of one man and one woman, until death should part them.

It grieves me to think that our culture has accepted another definition, because it is one that defies God and His design for the humans He created.

Be not deceived, folks; God is not mocked. One day, He will hold us accountable for the things we do and the things we say. Before redefining an institution such as marriage, it behooves us to take a good look at the consequences. Look back at history; look forward to the ramifications of this change.

Many have written on this subject far more eloquently than I, so that's all I have to say about this subject. I am thankful that I have been married to one man since 1973. I am also thankful that in my definition of marriage, there is no room for anything apart from that which God designed. My sons will marry women; my daughters will marry men. They will bear children and raise them to think the same way they do. And God will be glorified!

Love is the Glue

While surfing the web this evening, I came across this poem on the Prairie Home Companion website. I have been teaching analogies to Christopher, and this poem is full of examples. I'm glad that Rick and I are glued together uproariously, too.

"Love is the glue that makes us stick"
by Marydel Rosenfield

Love is the glue that makes us stick
That holds us together through thin and thick

Love is the yeast that makes us rise
To the occasion and fills with surprise

Love is the power that helps us stay
The course when we enter the fray

Love is the force that keeps us on track
That sends us on missions and brings us back

Love is intangible and also invisible
And sometimes positively risible

Being in love is a human emotion
Entraps like a mud flat, engulfs like the ocean

As fish love the water and birds love the air
Love tugs at our heartstrings and makes us a pair.

About the Author
Marydel Rosenfield (nee Coolidge) grew up in Bangor, Maine, the daughter of a forester; she was an only child and bookworm. She always loved playing around with words (learned "The Jabberwocky" in third grade; plays Scrabble not bridge). Her favorite living poet is Billy Collins. She lived in Riverdale (NW Bronx) from 1950 - 2006 with her architect husband; they summered in Maine (east Penobscot Bay region). Her favorite things are saiiing, music, three grown children and two grandchildren. Now living permanently on Deer Isle ME, she and her husband have been uproariously married for 59 years; he married her for her 1939 Ford convertible with a rumble seat.

Marriage, Responsibility, and the Fall

In Biblical Theology class today, we were going through the three Creation Ordinances: Sabbath, Marriage, Work (Rule/Reign). I got pondering what Pastor Bob said about Marriage Principles, the Responsibility of Adam as the Covenant Head, and the subsequent Fall.

There are Seven Christian Marriage Principles found in Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

1. Celebration of Compatibility.
Both marriage partners are image bearers, made in the image of God (imago Dei), so they were spiritually and emotionally compatible. Eve wasn't a dog or a horse - but was very similar to Adam, because God made the woman out of the rib of the man. This means their flesh was perfectly compatible, physically.

2. Celebration of Companionship.
It was not good for the man to be alone. The animals couldn't talk, or share their feelings or hopes or dreams or desires. Adam needed someone to share his vision, to come alongside of him as his companion.

3. Celebration of God's Precious Gift.
Just as a father walks his daughter down the aisle, giving her to her groom, God brought Eve to Adam as a most precious gift. Adam's reaction was joy! Finally, someone to share his life with.

4. Celebration of Covenant Headship. (vs. 24)
In marriage, the wife leaves her father's headship (including his provision and protection) and comes under her husband's headship.

5. Celebration of Cleaving.
Just like two lumps of clay that are molded together and left to dry in the sun, the husband and wife are to cleave to each other. If you try to separate that dried lump of clay, it crumbles and is destroyed. Marriage is to be a cleaving together of two separate people. As a soldier without his sword will die in the midst of battle, so a husband without his wife is without strength.

6. Celebration of Completely One!
One in heart, one in vision, one in purpose - the husband and wife become one flesh. This is more than physical oneness. Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed - completely vulnerable, honest with each other, without secrets.

We are not told in the account how long Adam and Eve were married before the Serpent (Satan) came along, intending to destroy. The Bible makes it clear that Adam fell, Adam sinned, that he transgressed the law, and so on. Eve certainly was deceived.

2 Corinthians 11:3 But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

1 Timothy 2:13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.


Eve was the one who reached out and took of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and she gave some to Adam, who was with her.

We don't know if Adam was there the whole time, or if he happened on the scene. But it is clear that God holds him responsible as the Covenant Head.

In pondering this, I realized that both of them failed in their role as a marriage partner. As soon as Eve heard the snake talking, she should have run to her husband, her protector, to let him know that the garden had been invaded! Snakes don't talk! Something was up. But she thought she could handle it, and didn't think she needed protection. After all, she was as smart as Adam, and perfectly capable. Or was she?

And where was Adam? Was he being the companion to his wife that she needed? Was he protecting her, and being intimate with her in fellowship, instructing her and explaining all he knew about God's instruction. He should have stepped up! He should have known that she was vulnerable and easily deceived. If he had taken the time to really KNOW her, he would have figured that out.

I know this is speculative. However, I believe that God holds Adam responsible for a reason. Just as the wives and children of Daniel's accusers were thrown to the lions alongside their husbands/fathers, and just as Achan's family was cremated right along with him, God sees the family as a unit, and the husband as the responsible head.

Some applications:

1. Marriage is God's ordinance, not man's invention.
2. Marriage is a heterosexual union.
3. Man is the head of the home. (Genesis 2:18; 21 cf. Ephesians 5:22-23)
4. Marriage is a union for two believers. Do NOT be unequally yoked. (2 Cor. 6:14-18)
5. Sexual intercourse is great, but only within the marriage union. (1 Cor.7)
6. Women are not permitted to be in authority as a pastor. (1 Tim. 2:13ff)
7. Divorce is the result of sin. (Matthew 19:4-9)

So, husbands and wives, spend time together. Cultivate common interests. Practice the roles God has called you to, by letting your husband lead or your wife follow. Men, you are called to be leaders! Wives, you are called to be helpers. Do so, to the glory of God.

Husbands ought to be protecting their wives. This is important even within the family context. If a child is rude to his mother, the dad should be all over that with shock and awe! Protect her, and she will feel loved.

Work at intimacy by being vulnerable. Share intimately, and keep no secrets.

Companionship means working together on the house and property. Plenty of shoulder to shoulder time, subduing the earth and making it reflect the glory of God builds a sense of teamwork!

It's a mystery that Adam, created in the image of God, sinned in the first place. We have inherited that sin nature, but God calls us to be holy, as He is holy. One way we can do that is by determining that, with the Lord's help, our marriages will bring glory to God.

Gardening a la Tractor-Driver!

Rick and I often disagree on things. It seems to me that he does it just to bug me. One of the things we have been discussing lately is whether we want a deck or a patio in the front of our house. We have a flower bed, and a pond, and a small patio, but it's simply not big enough when the married children and grandchildren come for a visit. We spend a lot of time on the patio, or sitting around the little fire pit that we have out there. I envision a stone or cement patio, with a rock wall enclosure. I like privacy. I like stone. I want a Roman statue and plenty of room for patio chairs, barbecue, etc. My bricklayer son can build me a wall. I want to incorporate the flowerbed and pond into the enclosure. I'd even like a wrought-iron gate.

My husband, however, wants to build a deck. Out of wood. He LIKES wood. I point out that the deck will require far more maintenance than a patio, especially a cement patio, which can be washed with our pressure-washer.

Anyway, on we go, discussing the merits and detriments of each. I don't know what we'll end up with.

We sat outside today, thinking about all this, then I mentioned that I wanted to finish weeding the flowerbed around the pond. Rick suggested getting some good dirt from the well-rotted manure pile. I said, "Not yet...I have to dig out weeds first."

The next thing I knew, Rick came chugging along with the bucket of the tractor filled with dirt. I looked at him blankly...what was he going to do with that? NOT pour it on the flower-bed. I still wasn't done with the weeds.

Then he suggested digging out the flowerbed with the bucket of the tractor. "What about my tulips and the perennials?" I wailed.

"They'll be fine," he assured me.

So, the next thing I knew, Rick dug away with the bucket. What would have been hours of work took about an hour. He dug out buckets full of dirt, and we went through them, picking out clumps of weeds and rescuing anything that looked promising. In a short while, we had much better soil in the garden, weed-free for the most part. We planted the bulbs and any perennials that we rescued, and went in for supper, satisfied.

My point is this: Sometimes what seems like a hare-brained scheme is actually a good idea. I have learned to ponder what Rick suggests, and have found that he often comes up with a better and faster way to do a job than I would have done.

It will be interesting to see if any of the tulips and crocuses survive their rude transplant. But even if they don't, I can soon get some petunias and a few more perennials, and we'll enjoy the colour show.

The best part is that the garden is weed-free. I can't complain. In fact, I am rejoicing. God has given me exactly the person I need. We don't see eye-to eye very often on all the little details of life, but when it comes to what REALLY matters, we're a team.

What really mattered today wasn't our method of gardening, or the discussion about deck vs patio. What really mattered was that we worked together, loving each other, serving each other, setting a good example for our children, and glorifying God in the process.

Do Not Fear Anything that is Frightening!

I was going through some old boxes of papers today, and came across a huge file from a legal matter in 1999. At that time, an anonymous crank wrote a letter to CAS, stating, among other things, that

these children are homeschooled, so they have no idea of what real life is all about.

My emotions ran the gamut as I read the file. I was angry with the false accusations, which came when I was in the hospital, awaiting the birth of my 12th child by emergency C-section due to placenta previa. I was proud of my dear husband, who handled court documents, affidavits, appointments with the doctor, and so on, while his wife was in the hospital. He was accused by someone of being lazy, when he spent hours and hours working at his own business to provide for our large family. I was thankful for the many letters of support from those who really knew us - our married daughter, dear friends, two of whom were nurses, a former counsellor of ours, and so on. I was amazed at the Provision of the Lord, Who sent just the right people at just the right time, in order to protect our family.

We won our court case. The judge basically said that we as parents were different from most parents, in that we homeschooled, etc., but that we had the right to be different, and, significantly, we had the right to refuse to allow the CAS to interview our children. The case was dismissed.

When I think back to those trying times, I remember how afraid I was. I feared that the CAS would continue to harass us, and that they would, indeed, interview our children. I feared that the children would be upset by such an interview, because they would feel uncomfortable. Fears abounded... but I remembered: whoso puts his trust in the Lord shall be kept safe.

Rick read to us this passage yesterday:

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. I pondered this. The passage is about being submissive and respectful to your husband, having a gentle and quiet spirit. Why does it mention not fearing anything that is frightening?

I thought about Sarah. She had a lot to be frightened about. Picture her husband walking in the door, saying, "Honey, we are moving. Get packing!"

"Where are we going to?", she would have responded.

"I am not sure," he would have said.

"Why do we have to move? I like it here! I don't want to go. All of my friends are here!"

"Because God told me to. "

"What?"

I can imagine Sarah being stuck by fear. Yet the Word of God says that she had a hidden adornment of the heart, for she submitted to Abraham, calling him Lord, because she hoped in God.

Sarah knew that the road ahead was a dangerous one. She trusted God to lead her husband. She knew when they went down to Egypt and Abraham asked her to lie (or at least stretch the truth) and say she was his sister, that she could end up with her purity violated. She was stuck in a harem - not exactly a safe place for a beautiful woman. She did not fear, however. She chose to hope in God, and submit to her husband.

What was the result? Abraham loved her. The king saw them sporting, and just knew they were husband and wife. Abraham loved Sarah's gentle and quiet spirit, because she respected her husband, and trusted God to take care of the details.

I think back to 1999, and I see that my husband was definitely the leader and protector of his family during that trial. I was stuck in the hospital. There was little I could do, but pray. My husband fulfilled his God-given role, and took care of all the details.

And God blessed.

I am so thankful for Rick - for his leadership abilities, for his quiet, steady ways, for his sometimes abrupt manner, which does good when you are dealing with bureaucrats! I know that God showed me that my dear husband is very capable, that he is able to see through the garbage to the main points, and that he does not get caught up in emotions when there is a job to do. He's a man! Just what I need.

And I do not fear.

The Time Has Come...

My friend Royal Hamel has been called of God to be a watchman, exhorting pastors and churches to be salt and light in this generation. His ministry, Light the Darkness, can be found here: http://lightthedarkness.org/about.shtml

Royal graciously gave me permission to reprint the following article. The time has come to speak up, people. We can't continue to say nothing when we hear or read that our culture sanctions gay marriage, and that there is no problem with books like "Heather has Two Mommies". The recent controversy in California is shocking. Governor Schwartzenegger has agreed to legislation that bans the use of "mom and dad" in books in their public school system. It's discriminatory, they claim.

Huh? What about the discrimination against those increasingly rare families made up of a mom, a dad, and their children? Don't they count?

Apparently not.

And that is why the following article is so timely. We must take courage and stand against this darkness. We must be bold enough to tell our children what the Word of God says about homosexuality and the beautiful plan God has for marriage between one man and one woman.

If we don't say something now, when we are still somewhat free to do so, our children won't be able to even teach these truths in the privacy of their own homes.

THE TIME HAS COME TO SPEAK UP

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

Persecution of Christians by the state has arrived in Canada. I speak of the recent spate of attacks by the Human Rights Commissions against Pastor Stephen Boisson, Rev. Alphonse de Valk of Catholic Insight Magazine and Ron Gray, President of the Christian Heritage Party of Canada. Those attacks are directly linked to militant homosexual demands that Christians keep their mouths shut about scriptural teaching on homosexuality. Let no one be in doubt here; although three specific Christian leaders have been targeted, the real object of the attack is the entire Christian population of Canada.

But can we legitimately say that Christians are being persecuted? Well, nobody has been killed for being faithful to Christian teaching. But people have lost jobs, have been forced to spend thousands of dollars in defending themselves, have been fined large amounts of money, and some businesses have been closed. And all of this through a quasi law system instituted by our government. In this system there is no presumption of innocence, the accused must pay for their own defense while accusers are granted court paid lawyers, and even establishing the truth of one’s commentary is no acceptable defense to the accused. Bishop Fred Henry of Calgary recently stated, "I really feel that we are into a crisis situation here where we are experiencing a trumping of religious freedom."

So where does that leave us? Well it seems that we have now arrived at the moment when devout followers of Christ are called to walk the more difficult road. For Christians do not have a choice in this matter. 2000 years ago faithful believers were put to death for refusing to burn incense to Caesar while calling him “Lord.” Faithful Christians today, while loving those trapped in the practise of an ancient wrong, have no authorization from scripture to bless what God has not blessed regardless of the dictates of the state.

Human Rights Commissions have recently been criticized by many editorialists and columnists because high profile journalists like Ezra Levant and Mark Steyn have been cited for hate by certain Islamic leaders in Canada. But there has been no media storm protesting the attack on free speech of Christians who have been hauled before these tribunals. It’s a pity. Shouldn’t the media be concerned for justice for all?

Is there any relief forthcoming by politicians who will courageously speak on behalf of believers? Don’t bet on it! A powerful lobby group has convinced the public, including politicians, that all opposition to homosexuality is due to hate. Governmental leaders, almost to a man, are thoroughly intimidated. And they will not speak a word in defense of Christians who have manifested far more courage than they have.

What then can be done in the present situation? Is it possible to slow down the course toward even more draconian forms of persecution? Yes!

But it calls for initiative from Christian leaders. Recently a key evangelical leader wrote a letter to the National Post protesting the abolition of the Lord’s Prayer in the Ontario legislature. If evangelicals can go public on prayer in the legislature, then surely they can go public on the much more serious matter of the growing persecution. To be fair, there has been some speaking by some leaders, but the defense must be pursued with much greater energy and vigor. The various heads of Christian denominations could issue press releases defending the right of individual believers to speak the whole truth found in scripture. Presidents of evangelical colleges and seminaries could speak up by assigning some professors to write articles in local newspapers. Since 40 percent plus of our population is Catholic it is also incumbent on courageous Catholic archbishops and bishops to speak on behalf of their constituency who are undergoing persecution as well. Some have certainly spoken; many more need to find their voice.

I suspect that most Christian leaders may be taking a cautious, low profile approach, praying that the situation may get better. They may think it wiser to try and woo those who oppose the gospel rather than graciously contending with them. Truth is, that hostile opponents of biblical truth have assumed much power; they are not going to go away quietly. Like Esther, God may have raised Canada’s Christian leaders to prominence for just such a time as this. Esther spoke up. She used her voice in defense of her people. Who knows what may happen if our Christian leaders do the same?

A version of this article was published in the March, 2008 edition of The Interim, Canada's pro-life, pro-family newspaper

Royal Hamel is a freelance journalist and director of Light the Darkness Ministries. He served for 22 years as pastor and cross-cultural worker with the Christian and Missionary Alliance of Canada.

Retreat with Rick!

Well, we're back. And we honestly had the best time away that we can remember.

It was a gorgeous day on Sunday when we drove to Collingwood. The roads were clear and dry, the sun was shining, and the view was terrific. We passed through small towns, by picturesque farms, and under the shadow of those great windmills designed to create wind power. We were thankful that when we reached the top of the Escarpment, it was still clear, and we could see for miles and miles. We even noticed Wasaga Beach clearly identifiable even though it was about 15 miles from our vantage point.

We stopped at a grocery store in Collingwood and picked up some cheese, fruit, nuts, and other goodies. We were planning to spend quite a bit of our time just being together in the room. After we got checked in, we unpacked, then headed out to take advantage of our free movie. We saw "Vantage Point", which was intriguing in its presentation of a crime seen from the vantage point of about 8 different people.

We got back to the hotel in time to go for a swim. There was something wrong with the hot tub attached to the pool, but the result was that the entire pool was as hot as the hot tub should have been! It was like being in a gigantic bath! Rick and I were nearly alone (just two other people present) so we enjoyed just being together. We measured the pool with our feet, dreaming of how big we'd need to build a pool to accommodate all the grandkids.

The evening was spent just enjoying each other. We talked and laughed and played and cuddled...no cares in the world...just the two of us, together, alone.

I woke up first in the morning, and when Rick finally stirred, I had his coffee and breakfast ready. We planned to spend some time just talking, and I had a list of potential subjects for Rick to read over and decide what he wanted to focus on. We had both just read "Love & Respect" so that was a good starting point. It did us both good to share our hearts. There were insights gleaned from the book that surprised both of us, and we were able to honestly communicate our hopes and dreams, fears and failures. We laughed, we cried, and we connected in a way that was very meaningful to both of us.

Really, that talk was the highlight of the trip. Everything else was icing on the cake.

We headed out to the car later, and drove to Wasaga Beach. Rick wanted to see what part of Wasaga Beach had burned down recently. We drove past some "cottages" that had to have belonged to multi-millionaires. They were beach-front properties with wrought-iron gates and stone driveways. Nice.

After a lot of exploration, I commented that I wanted to eat at "Catch 22", a seafood restaurant I had seen in a brochure. When we got there, it exceeded our expectations. Lovely restaurant. Beautiful decor. Great food. And goldfish the size of trout! (Not to eat - alive, in a pond, inside the restaurant.) Rick had the fish and chips, and I had Georgian Bay Whitefish. The chef substituted the rice pilaf, which had wheat in it, with a stacked log presentation of zucchini, baby carrots, and onions. It was great!

We then headed to the "Scandinave", a Norwegian style spa. We went from steaming hot ponds with jets and a waterfall, to cold plunges, resting cabins, a sauna, a steam room, and an outdoor fireplace! It was so relaxing. There was to be absolute silence in the resting rooms, but we were permitted to speak in muted voices in the pools. Rick and I had such a great time together. We couldn't believe that four hours had gone by when we decided that we were relaxed enough.

Unfortunately, when I was getting ready, I had an incident. My right ear had water in it, so I stuck a Q-tip in it to get the water to drain. When I pulled out the Q-tip, to my dismay, I realized that the end of the Q-tip had come off and was still in my ear.

Rick graciously took me to the hospital, and patiently waited for me. Hours passed, and they finally called my name. It took a bit of work, but with long needle-nosed pliers, and a syringe made for a horse, the doc was able to get most of the cotton out of my ear! I felt terrible that I had spoiled Rick's lovely evening; Rick was just glad that I was okay.

So, by this time it was 8 in the evening, and we decided to use our coupons to eat in the dining room at the Resort. Again, God provided us with the entire place to ourselves. The food was out of this world: I had a half-rack of lamb with steak and vegetables; Rick had a center cut steak. Everything was done perfectly. We topped it off with chocolate mousse that was served on rectangular plates, with fruit placed precisely in the perfect position to set off the mousse and make it all delectable. We didn't even finish our meal until close to 10 pm. It was so wonderful to sit there, chatting quietly, enjoying the ambiance and the food, and most of all, each other's company.



The next morning we packed up and went to listen to the presentation. We took a tour of the resort, and it was fun dreaming of the possibilities of travel to exotic places. However, it wasn't to be. At least not at this time of our lives.

Rick wasn't feeling well by the time we left for home, so he slept most of the way, and I drove. I had time to reflect on our marriage, on God's goodness in providing us with a getaway in the middle of a stressful time, and on the joy we had experienced together during our time away.

It was good to get home.

But we're so glad we went.

Love & Respect

Tomorrow is Rachel & Mike's 4th anniversary! In just four years, this couple have expanded their family to four beautiful kids and a lovely Bernese mountain dog. They bought a house and settled in small town Ontario. There have been a lot of changes in a very short time, in both their lives. Happy Anniversary, Mike and Rachel!

For their anniversary I bought them a copy of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The subtitles are, "The Love She Most Desires" and "The Respect He Desperately Needs". On impulse, I bought myself a copy, too.

I woke up this morning with a head cold. Stuffy nose, sore throat, achy body, dull headache. The girls were at piano lessons, and Rick was in bed (he is far worse off than I am - maybe by tomorrow I will be in just as bad shape) so I gave the boys some assignments and hunkered down in my chair to read the new book.

This book spoke volumes to me. I already know that I should respect my husband, and that he should love me. He is the head of our home, and I gladly serve him.

What I didn't know was that my self-sacrificing love for my husband and children comes naturally to me. It is part of my make-up, as a woman, to give agape love. It is my language, and it is what I deeply need. I don't get to pat myself on the back, however, when I do what comes easily.

Respect - that's another story altogether. I found myself reading about the Crazy Cycle, where the husband doesn't meet the wife's need for love, so she responds angrily with disrespect, so he doesn't get his need for respect met, so he responds in an unloving manner... and the crazy cycle continues.

"A wife longs to be that special person Paul described (in Ephesians 5:28,29). She wants to be cherished as a princess...She longs to be first in importance to him... she yearns to be honored, valued, and prized as a precious equal, "a fellow heir of the grace of life," as Peter unfolds in 1 Peter 3:7. - p. 53

When she doesn't feel that way, she begins to question, "Am I last on his priority list?"

Her husband, in an attempt to be honourable and calm, will stonewall - become quiet, say nothing, or go off by himself. She sees his behaviour as unloving, as a rejection of her. He, on the other hand, is trying to do the respectable thing, retreating so he gives her time to get control of herself. He is sadly unaware that he is thinking like a man, and doing the exact opposite of what she needs!

We just lived this out in our family room the other day! Rick has been under stress about the truck, so he's been a bit testy. This is understandable. We were sitting in the family room, and I asked a simple question: "What time do the boys have to leave in the morning?" My intention was not to undermine or to question Rick's decisions about the next day's activities, but simply to communicate and to understand what was going to happen.

Rick sagged, then sighed, then said impatiently, "You KNOW what time they have to leave!" (I really didn't know. The schedule is messed up, and I wasn't sure if it was the longer day, when they leave by 5:30 am, or the shorter day, when they only have to leave at 7:00 am.)

I was instantly hurt by his actions and words. I felt unloved. I snapped at him, defending my question, and was very unkind and belligerent for the rest of the evening.

When I examine our actions in the light of the book, I realize that Rick felt disrespected by my question. He probably interpreted it as second-guessing his decision. Even though I truly wasn't doing that, he thought I was, so he was frustrated and reacted unkindly. All he wanted was respect.

I interpreted his sag and snide remark as unloving. Even though I know Rick loves me, at that moment I felt unloved, and I reacted by lashing out. I wanted him to know that he hurt me, but deep down, I wanted the relationship to be restored, and thought that he should know that what he said had damaged me. All I wanted was love.

He clammed up - retreated - said nothing. I said plenty, then stormed off to bed. We fit the example in the book to a "t".

The other thing that jumped out at me was that, although agape love is fairly easy for me (I spend my days serving others, making meals, doing laundry, brushing hair, teaching children, answering the phone, scheduling appointments, and so on.), phileo love, the brotherly kindness, friendship kind of love, is much harder for me to practice. It's easy for me to require the children to do the right thing. But taking the time to just love them, to cuddle them, to sit with my dear husband, to be his friend - is much harder. I have a running list in my head that I feel I need to take care of. It's hard for me to take the time to just BE.

In the same way that it is easy for me to love in a sacrificial manner (agape), it is easy for Rick to respect others. That's his language, and he finds it easy to do so. However, it is harder for him to love.

I sat there this morning, reading, with tears streaming down my face. If I want to reverence my Lord and Saviour, I must learn to reverence my husband. Not simply in public, but in the home, where it really counts. I must learn to watch the tone of my words, and to ask myself, before I speak, "Is what I am about to say going to communicate respect, or disrespect?" If my husband needs unconditional respect the way I need unconditional love, then by God's grace, I plan to respect him unconditionally.

What Matters to God, Matters

"To the world it may make no sense for a wife to put on respect toward a husband who is harsh and unloving. It makes no sense for a husband to put on love toward a contemptuous, disrespectful woman. But it makes sense to God. These seemingly fruitless efforts matter to God because this is the kind of service He rewards. What is wisdom to God is foolishness to the world (see I Corinthians 3:19). - p 274


Lord, I pray that You would teach me to die to self and to live for You, more and more each day. I pray that You would help me to take these principles to heart, and to respect my husband unconditionally. When I blow it (and I will), help me to remember that your grace is sufficient, and that repentance and forgiveness are the way of Life. Amen.

Alive in Christ AND Fulfilled in Marriage! Imagine that!

I have never considered myself part of a movement. Yes, my husband and I were convicted as a young married couple to present our bodies a living sacrifice, wholly acceptable to God. That meant that we decided to use no birth control, and we joyfully received from the Hand of God the children He planned for us to have. We were "quiverfull" before the term was coined. We rejoiced in reading Mary Pride's "The Way Home", but it did not sway us. It just cemented what God had already taught us.

Yes, we have homeschooled our children all the way through (except for the eldest, who attended a Christian school for the first four years, and a public school for a short time.) When we began homeschooling, we did so because Deuteronomy makes it very clear that we are to teach our children when we sit down, when we rise up, when we walk by the way... all the time. There were no homeschoolers that we knew, no curriculum vendors, no public speakers. We were not part of the homeschool movement. We were simply Christian parents who wanted to raise our family to know and love the Lord, and to glorify His name.

Yes, I have been a stay-at-home mom for most of our nearly 34 years of marriage. I have tried to obey God's word and line myself up under my husband's leadership. Except for a short time as a part-time bus driver, and a short time as a Communications Co-ordinator for Carey Outreach Ministries, I have remained at home, serving my family. I guess I could be accused of being part of the "Patriarchal Movement". I don't see it that way. I was simply obeying the Word of God.

There is a discussion going on right now in cyber-space, and women who are Christians AND feminists are up in arms, decrying those who decide that large families, homeschooling, and traditional roles for men and women are God's plan for their lives. In other words, people like me and my daughters are apparently deluded or under some sort of legalized bondage. We simply can't know what it is to be Alive in Christ if we are stay-at-home moms with large families who are under our husband's authority.

I will quote one of the comments on the "true womanhood" site:

Imagine it… where would you rather be when you’re thirty, when you wake up and read what the Bible REALLY has to say??? Would you like to have 7 children already and a husband you have trouble respecting because he abuses his leadership, or be single and in a position to start your life fresh????? Marriage is for keeps… there’s no sending children back… so say you did wake up in this situation, you’re only option is to pray for a miracle in your husband’s heart!!!! While you gradually become the outcast, because everyone in your circle will eventually catch on to your “rebellion”.

Or, you can grieve for the years that bondage to legalism stole from you, but you can pick yourself up, pray that God would redeem the years that the locusts have eaten, and start living like an ALIVE woman in Christ.

You know, I have been married to the same man for nearly 34 years. I have kept his home and done his laundry (but not always his socks! - at least not always on time!!) and made his meals and answered his telephone and done his errands and carried and birthed and nursed his children. I have taught his children, prayed with his children, and delighted in his children - for they are mine, too!

I haven't woken up and felt that all of those years and all of those tasks were wasted. In fact, I believe that God is pleased with my servant's heart, and that He is glorified by my nose-wiping and my dish-doing and my child-rearing.

When I examine my life in Christ, I realize that God has used my marriage and my children to refine my rough edges and make me more Christ-like. How would I have learned patience and trust in a Sovereign God, were it not for wayward children? How would I have learned submission, were it not for a husband who did not always see things my way? How would I have learned applied theology, were it not for teaching my children the catechism, and having heated discussions with my husband regarding the doctrines of grace or the role of women? As iron sharpens iron, so my relationship with Rick and the children God has given us has sharpened me.

How would working outside the home have been more fulfilling? Having to get up early in the morning, fight the traffic, arrive on time, sit in meetings... how is that more blessed? How could having a boss other than my husband have been better? My husband respects me. He knows my strengths. He encourages me in my talents. No boss can ever know me like Rick knows me...I haven't the time left on this earth to invest 34 years in another relationship.

The poster above says

"you're (your!) only option is to pray for a miracle in your husband's heart!"

She says that like it is a bad thing to pray. However, we who are Christians know that it is a privilege to enter the throne room and petition Almighty God on behalf of someone we love. It is a privilege and joy to have a relationship with one man, and to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ together.

Oh, you young thing... how sad I feel for you. How you have missed the joy of learning by paradox that the way down is the way up, and that to be low is to be hight. You have missed that to give is to receive, and that to have nothing is to possess everything. You know nothing of the joy of servanthood, and you have failed to realize that we are most like Christ when we share in His sufferings.

Jesus made himself of no reputation. He did not seek after degrees or recognition. He was content to stay in a tiny area and minister to a miniscule group of unimportant people.

Kind of like a stay at home mom, under the authority of her loving husband, ministering to her children.

Alive in Christ, I'd say.

Janet

How fine you are to me, dear husband.

I have been far too busy to add anything to this blog since Matt and Joanna were engaged! Has it really been two months already? This month on the 16th, Matt gave Joanna a beautifully bound English Standard Version of the Bible, so they could study the Bible together. Her reaction was joy, and tears, at his words of love and faithfulness.

Last night, Matt came for a visit, and was telling us how much he has grown to love Joanna. He enjoys just staring at her. To him, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Rick and I agreed that she is beautiful, and that they make a fine couple.

This morning, Rick came to me and gave me a long, lingering hug. He said to me softly, "You know, last night when Matt was talking about how beautiful Joanna is, I was thinking that if someone were to ask me who the most beautiful girl in the world is, I would immediately think of you. Do you know how fine you are to me?"

Ahhhhh, words that build a marriage to last a lifetime. Here I am, recently turned fifty, yet my husband of 31 years genuinely sees me as a pretty girl, no a beautiful one. I see him as my King, my Protector, my Knight in Shining Armour. His words to me meant a great deal - not that I care that I am pretty, because I know that the wrinkles are coming and that my hairdresser daughter keeps telling me that I am beginning to go gray - no, they meant a great deal because I want *this man* to always think that I am beautiful. I want him to see me as his Queen. I want to demonstrate the Love of Christ to him, and I want him to be proud to have me at his side as he goes through life.

How fine he is to me. How handsome! How beautiful! His smile lights up my day. His laughter rings in my ears. When he gets down on the floor to play with the puppy, I see the boyish charm of the young man that I married. When he demands, "Kiss this face", and one of our kids grins and plants a big kiss on his hairy cheek, my heart is warmed.

Lord, help me to be an excellent wife to Rick. Give me grace and faith and hope and love. Do not let me fear, or falter, or fall into sinful patterns in our relationship. Thank You, dear Lord, for all that You have done in working the tapestry of our marriage and family. We are blessed beyond measure, and Your grace has been poured out upon us in amazing ways. Thank You that You have taken two unlikely people, opposite in temperament, and molded us into a unit. Thank You that You have blessed our union with twelve beautiful children, and eight gorgeous grandchildren, with more to come. Lord, in your mercy, give us a legacy of godliness and grace. Use our family to minister to many. Bless our children with godly spouses who are whole-heartedly devoted to You. Help Rick as he is the grand Patriarch of this ever-growing family, to guide and teach his progeny and point them to You, their wonderful Creator and amazing Redeemer.

In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen.