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Good News for Midlife
11 hours ago
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Everything's Amazing...but Nobody's Happy.
It's too true. A sad commentary on the sinful nature of man.
I would take it one step further: it's AMAZING that your heart beats steadily, one beat after the other. It's amazing that you can breathe, all day, all night, every day, and that you don't even have to think about it. It's astounding that you can cut yourself and your body just heals. All by itself. With no effort from you, except maybe washing or stitching the wound.
Life is astounding. This planet is incredible. We've been watching a series on Planet Earth, and the incredible variety of animals, birds and insects blows us away. How they survive in harsh conditions points to the provision of God...He sends the rain in due season.
Everything IS amazing. We ought to be happy. Life is good, and we are truly blessed.
Be ye thankful, people.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Funny Story from April, 2005
Adeena sent me this anecdote about a shopping trip a few years ago:
We had two carts, one completely full and the other more than 3/4 full of groceries. Matt and I went off to look at the meat section, leaving Tiana (8 years old) guarding both of the carts. She was bored, she tells me, so she was letting her imagination run a bit. She piped up, in her clear little voice, and asked plaintively, "HOW am I going to pay for all this FOOD?"
She told me that all the adults in the area whipped their heads around and *stared* at her. She realized what they might be thinking, then said, quietly, "Oh, well, my mom can pay for it." LOL!!
She only told me that this morning. I wish I had seen the looks on all those adult faces!!
We had two carts, one completely full and the other more than 3/4 full of groceries. Matt and I went off to look at the meat section, leaving Tiana (8 years old) guarding both of the carts. She was bored, she tells me, so she was letting her imagination run a bit. She piped up, in her clear little voice, and asked plaintively, "HOW am I going to pay for all this FOOD?"
She told me that all the adults in the area whipped their heads around and *stared* at her. She realized what they might be thinking, then said, quietly, "Oh, well, my mom can pay for it." LOL!!
She only told me that this morning. I wish I had seen the looks on all those adult faces!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
When is a Joke Not a Joke?
The following anecdote made me ponder that question:
First of all, the mom was humiliated, on the very day of the year that is supposed to be a mom's special day. Secondly, it was done publicly, adding to the shame of the moment. The third, and worst thing about this little "joke", in my opinion, was that it failed to view children as the treasures they truly are - gifts from the Hand of God.
Our family likes to joke. We tease each other. We share stories about family foibles. We crack jokes about "half-wits" or Newfies or blondes (and I fit into two of those categories; some days my hubby would claim I fit all three!). We have no problem with self-deprecation.
However, there is a huge difference between cracking a joke or teasing someone and the kind of public humiliation this poor woman had to endure in front of her entire church.
At a homeschool moms' fellowship last night a friend sharedI am sure that the pastor meant that little display to be humorous. However, it is wrong on so many levels.
what happened to her at church on Mother's Day. The pastor
said they had an award for the mother with the most children.
My friend has the most children in her congregation - five.
They called her to the front of the church and told her that
her award was a "Kentucky Birth-Control Kit," and then they
gave her a baseball bat. She was so humiliated.
First of all, the mom was humiliated, on the very day of the year that is supposed to be a mom's special day. Secondly, it was done publicly, adding to the shame of the moment. The third, and worst thing about this little "joke", in my opinion, was that it failed to view children as the treasures they truly are - gifts from the Hand of God.
Our family likes to joke. We tease each other. We share stories about family foibles. We crack jokes about "half-wits" or Newfies or blondes (and I fit into two of those categories; some days my hubby would claim I fit all three!). We have no problem with self-deprecation.
However, there is a huge difference between cracking a joke or teasing someone and the kind of public humiliation this poor woman had to endure in front of her entire church.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Do you have a helmet?
Christopher is visiting his oldest sister and her brood this weekend. Jeff, his brother-in-law, dug out the bikes for all the kids, and found one suitable for Critter. Instead of jumping for joy, Critter seemed hesitant.
"Do you have a helmet?" he asked Jeff.
"No," Jeff replied. "Why do you need a helmet?"
"Ummm....'cause I haven't ridden my bike since last year, and I am not sure if I can do it. I might fall off and get hurt!"
Christopher obviously isn't familiar with the old adage, "It's as easy as riding a bike!"
Adeena told me that he got on the bike and soon was exclaiming, "I'm just as good as LAST YEAR!"
I think he figured it out!
"Do you have a helmet?" he asked Jeff.
"No," Jeff replied. "Why do you need a helmet?"
"Ummm....'cause I haven't ridden my bike since last year, and I am not sure if I can do it. I might fall off and get hurt!"
Christopher obviously isn't familiar with the old adage, "It's as easy as riding a bike!"
Adeena told me that he got on the bike and soon was exclaiming, "I'm just as good as LAST YEAR!"
I think he figured it out!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Wisdom from Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."
Thanks, Heather, for sending this to me! I am glad that my kids turned out just like me...at least when they emulate my good characteristics.
Today is my grandson's birthday! Nate is 6, so in honour of that special event, I quoted the following poem by A.A. Milne. It's a poem I always quote to every one of my kids, and now my grandkids, when they turn six.
When I Was One
When I was one, I was just begun.
When I was two, I was nearly new.
When I was three, I was hardly me.
When I was four, I was not much more.
When I was five, I was just alive,
But now that I'm six, I'm better than better-
I think I'll stay six now forever and ever!
Happy Birthday, Nater! Keep that smile and that sense of humour! Love, Granny.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."
Thanks, Heather, for sending this to me! I am glad that my kids turned out just like me...at least when they emulate my good characteristics.
Today is my grandson's birthday! Nate is 6, so in honour of that special event, I quoted the following poem by A.A. Milne. It's a poem I always quote to every one of my kids, and now my grandkids, when they turn six.
When I Was One
When I was one, I was just begun.
When I was two, I was nearly new.
When I was three, I was hardly me.
When I was four, I was not much more.
When I was five, I was just alive,
But now that I'm six, I'm better than better-
I think I'll stay six now forever and ever!
Happy Birthday, Nater! Keep that smile and that sense of humour! Love, Granny.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Dark humour...
*Warning: you may find this offensive. If you don't like the Willie Poems, you won't like this post.
Let me preface what I am going to say with this bit of information. We have one cat. His name is Buster, and he's a very old, ancient, on his last legs type of cat. He is skinny, and his hair is out of place. He's lost teeth. We thought he'd die years ago, but he just keeps on hanging on.
Don't get me wrong. We LIKE Buster. It's just that he's very old, somewhat stinky, and a bit of a mess. The family jokes about Buster being the cat in the song:
"the cat came back, the very next day,
the cat came back, we thought he was a goner,
but the cat came back, he just wouldn't stay away." (Sharon, Lois & Bram)
Anyway, today while the girls were at piano lessons, I decided to give the boys a long-overdue haircut. Did I mention that the haircut was LONG overdue? Lots of hair! So much that it made a pile on the floor.
I was busy with other tasks, so I didn't get the hair swept up before the girls got home. In they trooped, and Tiana took one look at the pile of hair and exclaimed, "So, Buster finally exploded, did he?"
My evil children all laughed, then put their heads together. "Let's make it look like a cat, to scare Critter and Daddy when they get home."
This is the result:
Another pose:
This is the real cat. (Still alive and well, for today.)
Let me preface what I am going to say with this bit of information. We have one cat. His name is Buster, and he's a very old, ancient, on his last legs type of cat. He is skinny, and his hair is out of place. He's lost teeth. We thought he'd die years ago, but he just keeps on hanging on.
Don't get me wrong. We LIKE Buster. It's just that he's very old, somewhat stinky, and a bit of a mess. The family jokes about Buster being the cat in the song:
"the cat came back, the very next day,
the cat came back, we thought he was a goner,
but the cat came back, he just wouldn't stay away." (Sharon, Lois & Bram)
Anyway, today while the girls were at piano lessons, I decided to give the boys a long-overdue haircut. Did I mention that the haircut was LONG overdue? Lots of hair! So much that it made a pile on the floor.
I was busy with other tasks, so I didn't get the hair swept up before the girls got home. In they trooped, and Tiana took one look at the pile of hair and exclaimed, "So, Buster finally exploded, did he?"
My evil children all laughed, then put their heads together. "Let's make it look like a cat, to scare Critter and Daddy when they get home."
This is the result:
Another pose:
This is the real cat. (Still alive and well, for today.)
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Sweet Becky!
Little kids say the cutest things. Now that we are expecting our 15th grandbaby, we have lots of sources for sayings that I will always treasure in my heart.
Today my five year old granddaughter, Becky (otherwise known as Becky-Lou), gave us a chuckle.
Adeena wrote, "Becky was cleaning her room. She brought down the box that she used to carry up all the little stuff she got for Christmas, including her new Granny & Poppa for her 'big house'. As she was walking by, I asked her where her Granny and Poppa were. She said they were in the big house, in their rocking chair.
She takes a few steps, pauses, turns and says, "And I put a chair in front of them so they can put their feet on it.. you know, for their knees."
LOL! Now, go back to the picture and look carefully. You will see the Granny and Poppa with their feet up. You know, for their knees!
Today is my mom's birthday. If she had lived, she would have been 75. She would have appreciated Becky's thoughtfulness in providing a nice footstool for the Granny and Poppa!
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