Feminism - who needs it?

I once was a feminist. For a very short time, in high school, and in college, I thought that women were just as smart and just as capable as any man. "I can do anything he can do better, I can do anything better than he!" was my mantra. (For those of you younger than I am, that really was a popular song in the 60's.) I viewed my mother, who stayed at home during my growing up years, with a wee bit of contempt. I read Ayn Rand, and thought that her rabid feminism was right on. I was sorry for women who were "stuck in the home", and thought they were wasting their lives.

Surprisingly, I didn't act on my feminist views. I got married at the ripe old age of 18, and worked until my first child was born. I was blown away by how much I loved this little blonde beauty, with her sparkling blue eyes and tinkling laughter. Being a mom was great! It banished all thoughts of career or self-advancement. I was content to be the centre of Adeena's world.

Although I worked outside the home for a short time when Adeena was two, I soon conceived baby #2. It was during that pregnancy that God turned my world upside down, by calling me unto Himself and revealing to me Who He IS. Suddenly, being a mommy was a calling. It became my role and my blessing, as well as my joy.

My first baby will be 33 later this year. I went on to have 12 beautiful children, each one unique, each one precious.

My child-bearing years are over, and I have to say that I have no regrets.

I graduated at the top of my class in a prestigious boarding school. I was accepted into a major university. The world was my oyster, so to speak.

Yet instead of pursuing a medical degree, I settled down to bear children and guide my house. I carried them, birthed them, nursed them, trained them and taught them. Most important, I loved them.

I also, through it all, loved my husband. My early feminist views were a source of strife in our marriage in the early years. I expected my husband to help me with chores or dishes or laundry when I was overwhelmed with exhaustion during some of those pregnancies. I became resentful and angry when he didn't do what I expected him to do.

I also considered myself far more spiritual than he was. I didn't respect him as I should have. I thought highly of my own abilities, and figured "I could do anything better than he..."

I have feminism to thank for a lot of strife in those early years.

However, I have to say that God is a gracious God. He slowly and patiently taught me what it is to be a godly woman. I learned, along with that, to be a godly wife and mother. Through many toils and snares and trials and dangers, He led me and taught me His way.

I learned that the demands of feminism are foolish. There is no joy in wanting to control the world. Corporate boardrooms are full of strife and competition, stress and long hours. Why would I want that?

My home has been my castle for nearly 35 years. I have been the Queen, serving alongside the King of our little realm. I get to decide my schedule. I manage a group of other people. I encourage them to learn and to use their talents to glorify God. I am mother, nursemaid, decorator, cook, laundress, confidante, counsellor, gardener, assistant carpenter, teacher, seamstress, and so on. The list truly is endless. I have been able to develop my talents and pour my life into those people that I love the most in this world. How could I have been more blessed?

Phyllis Schlafly recently gave a talk at DePaul University in Illinois. The homemaker-turned-attorney raised six children and didn't get her law degree until after the age of fifty. At eighty, she is still growing strong. She believes that women should be given every opportunity to achieve success; she also believes that feminism is incompatible with happiness.

Read an article in the Chicago Daily Observer here: http://cdobs.com/archive/our-columns/phyllis-schlafly-was-right855/

My life isn't over at 53. I have plenty of years left before I reach the age that Phyllis Schlafly is. At this point, I am content to be a helper to my husband and a mother to my children. Some day, perhaps doors will open in other areas - missions, writing, publishing...who knows? Until then, I consider myself most blessed.

Most blessed, and very happy.

C-H-A-I-R-S - How to Spell Respect to your Husband

I am going to go through each of the six chapters of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, writing a letter to my husband as I ponder each of the aspects of how to spell "Respect" in his language. Dr. Eggerichs suggests that RESPECT is spelled: CHAIRS.

Conquest
Hierarchy
Authority
Insight
Relationship
Sexuality

1. Conquest - His Desire to Work & Achieve

Husband of mine, I admire your willingness to work hard to provide for your family. I am astounded when I realize how much you know...about trucks, about scheduling, about the book-keeping, about costs vs profitability, about computers and programs...the list goes on. I am thankful that it is all in your capable hands, and that I don't have to take care of any of it.

I love to hear stories of your work day, especially anecdotes about grouchy receivers or kind produce managers. I even love to hear about the road hogs who cut you off, forcing you to slam on the brakes...because it motivates me to pray consistently for you when you are on the road.

God prepared you for this work, training you to be self-employed. Not everyone could handle the myriad of papers that need to be done in order to be in your own business. But you were trained in many little ways, through your computer business, through driving the orange truck 33 years ago, through all sorts of experiences that God planned for you.

I am here to be your helper, to file the papers and mail the letters and make the phone calls you don't have time to make. I love to do this, and I am thankful that God has given me talents that are complementary to yours.

I am proud of you, especially when you demonstrate strength under fire, as you have in the past few weeks. It gives me courage to go through trials walking beside you, when I see your determination to pray hard, and work hard. I follow you, as you follow our Lord!

2. Hierarchy - His Desire to Protect and Provide

Biblical Hierarchy teaches the man's responsibility to place himself over the female and protect her. Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Saviour of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

You, dear husband, have the awesome responsibility to love me, as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her. Your duty is to protect me; mine is to place myself under that protection.

I admire you for protecting me, and for being willing to die for me. I know that if an intruder were to come into our home, you'd take action, giving up your life if necessary, in order to protect me and our children. This gives me a great feeling of security.

You have gone ahead in tangible ways, even when I didn't always support you, and done things that demonstrate that you are thinking of ways to make our home safer from the elements. You protected us by installing all those new windows - the great room we use for study is SO much better, now that you rebuilt the wall. It's warm and cozy, and every time I walk into it I thank God for your leadership and your willingness to go ahead and do what you know is right!

3. Authority - His Desire to Serve and to Lead

You are the one that God has placed in authority in this family. If I refuse to submit to you, I am refusing to trust in God.

I am so very thankful for your leadership. Your quiet strength is something I can fully lean on, and I appreciate that you make decisions for this family with wisdom, seeking the Lord. I am so thankful that you decided to rent that truck to take care of our customers while our truck is being repaired. I know you had to factor in how much the extra fuel will cost, and I know it hasn't been easy. But you, dear husband, have done what you needed to do. I admire you for that.

4. Insight - His Desire to Analyze and Counsel

You have insight that I am lacking. With all of my womanly intuition, there are things that I just don't see. You have a great way of cutting through all of the trappings and getting to the bottom of a problem.

I used to think more highly of my own intuition, but you have shown me over and over again that you are one smart cookie! You have spiritual insights that I just don't have, and again and again when you open the Scriptures and read a passage, I am amazed at things you elaborate on that I just didn't see.

I appreciate your advice. Sometimes I don't want to hear it, because I just want a listening ear, but I realize that you are male (thank God!) and you solve problems. It's just your nature. So, I will try to really listen when you give your opinion, because I know that God made us "pink" and "blue" for a reason. We need each other in order to make that perfect shade of "purple".

You know I sin. You know it better than any other person. Thank you for your constant forgiveness and love. Thank you for your perception and godly counsel. Thank you for letting me just be me...even when what I am is not so nice. You, dear husband, are my best counselor, and my best friend.

5. Relationship - His Desire for Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship

This was a real eye-opener for me! You know that I have trouble just sitting. I have often wondered why you want me to come along for the ride if you are going on an errand, but we don't talk. To me, it's a waste of valuable time. To you, it's building a friendship!

I really do like you, Rick. I don't just love you. And if you want me to come with you and just be there, saying nothing, I am happy to do so. I love to watch you work on things, but I never realized how important it is for you to have me do so. Next time you work on a project, I am going to sit with you and watch you for as long as you want me to!

6. S is for Something private.

I am so thankful that you are kind and generous and sweet and loving. You thrill me...but I will tell you all about that later.

Love & Respect

Tomorrow is Rachel & Mike's 4th anniversary! In just four years, this couple have expanded their family to four beautiful kids and a lovely Bernese mountain dog. They bought a house and settled in small town Ontario. There have been a lot of changes in a very short time, in both their lives. Happy Anniversary, Mike and Rachel!

For their anniversary I bought them a copy of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The subtitles are, "The Love She Most Desires" and "The Respect He Desperately Needs". On impulse, I bought myself a copy, too.

I woke up this morning with a head cold. Stuffy nose, sore throat, achy body, dull headache. The girls were at piano lessons, and Rick was in bed (he is far worse off than I am - maybe by tomorrow I will be in just as bad shape) so I gave the boys some assignments and hunkered down in my chair to read the new book.

This book spoke volumes to me. I already know that I should respect my husband, and that he should love me. He is the head of our home, and I gladly serve him.

What I didn't know was that my self-sacrificing love for my husband and children comes naturally to me. It is part of my make-up, as a woman, to give agape love. It is my language, and it is what I deeply need. I don't get to pat myself on the back, however, when I do what comes easily.

Respect - that's another story altogether. I found myself reading about the Crazy Cycle, where the husband doesn't meet the wife's need for love, so she responds angrily with disrespect, so he doesn't get his need for respect met, so he responds in an unloving manner... and the crazy cycle continues.

"A wife longs to be that special person Paul described (in Ephesians 5:28,29). She wants to be cherished as a princess...She longs to be first in importance to him... she yearns to be honored, valued, and prized as a precious equal, "a fellow heir of the grace of life," as Peter unfolds in 1 Peter 3:7. - p. 53

When she doesn't feel that way, she begins to question, "Am I last on his priority list?"

Her husband, in an attempt to be honourable and calm, will stonewall - become quiet, say nothing, or go off by himself. She sees his behaviour as unloving, as a rejection of her. He, on the other hand, is trying to do the respectable thing, retreating so he gives her time to get control of herself. He is sadly unaware that he is thinking like a man, and doing the exact opposite of what she needs!

We just lived this out in our family room the other day! Rick has been under stress about the truck, so he's been a bit testy. This is understandable. We were sitting in the family room, and I asked a simple question: "What time do the boys have to leave in the morning?" My intention was not to undermine or to question Rick's decisions about the next day's activities, but simply to communicate and to understand what was going to happen.

Rick sagged, then sighed, then said impatiently, "You KNOW what time they have to leave!" (I really didn't know. The schedule is messed up, and I wasn't sure if it was the longer day, when they leave by 5:30 am, or the shorter day, when they only have to leave at 7:00 am.)

I was instantly hurt by his actions and words. I felt unloved. I snapped at him, defending my question, and was very unkind and belligerent for the rest of the evening.

When I examine our actions in the light of the book, I realize that Rick felt disrespected by my question. He probably interpreted it as second-guessing his decision. Even though I truly wasn't doing that, he thought I was, so he was frustrated and reacted unkindly. All he wanted was respect.

I interpreted his sag and snide remark as unloving. Even though I know Rick loves me, at that moment I felt unloved, and I reacted by lashing out. I wanted him to know that he hurt me, but deep down, I wanted the relationship to be restored, and thought that he should know that what he said had damaged me. All I wanted was love.

He clammed up - retreated - said nothing. I said plenty, then stormed off to bed. We fit the example in the book to a "t".

The other thing that jumped out at me was that, although agape love is fairly easy for me (I spend my days serving others, making meals, doing laundry, brushing hair, teaching children, answering the phone, scheduling appointments, and so on.), phileo love, the brotherly kindness, friendship kind of love, is much harder for me to practice. It's easy for me to require the children to do the right thing. But taking the time to just love them, to cuddle them, to sit with my dear husband, to be his friend - is much harder. I have a running list in my head that I feel I need to take care of. It's hard for me to take the time to just BE.

In the same way that it is easy for me to love in a sacrificial manner (agape), it is easy for Rick to respect others. That's his language, and he finds it easy to do so. However, it is harder for him to love.

I sat there this morning, reading, with tears streaming down my face. If I want to reverence my Lord and Saviour, I must learn to reverence my husband. Not simply in public, but in the home, where it really counts. I must learn to watch the tone of my words, and to ask myself, before I speak, "Is what I am about to say going to communicate respect, or disrespect?" If my husband needs unconditional respect the way I need unconditional love, then by God's grace, I plan to respect him unconditionally.

What Matters to God, Matters

"To the world it may make no sense for a wife to put on respect toward a husband who is harsh and unloving. It makes no sense for a husband to put on love toward a contemptuous, disrespectful woman. But it makes sense to God. These seemingly fruitless efforts matter to God because this is the kind of service He rewards. What is wisdom to God is foolishness to the world (see I Corinthians 3:19). - p 274


Lord, I pray that You would teach me to die to self and to live for You, more and more each day. I pray that You would help me to take these principles to heart, and to respect my husband unconditionally. When I blow it (and I will), help me to remember that your grace is sufficient, and that repentance and forgiveness are the way of Life. Amen.

Adoniram Judson and his wives

I was asked by my pastor to do a series of "Kids' Corners" on famous missionaries. The story of Adoniram Judson and his wives really touched me.

Adoniram fell almost instantly in love with his first wife, Ann (known as Nancy). Two weeks after their wedding, they set sail, arriving four months later in Calcutta. However, their teaching was not welcome there, so they headed to Burma. Nancy lost their first child on board ship.

It took three years of diligent study, 12 hours per day, to learn the Burmese language. Seven years after they left home, he baptized his first convert.
Sickness, heat, difficult circumstances abounded; they paled in comparison to the grief they endured with the loss of their second child, Robert, at 8 months of age.

Ann wrote,

"Our hearts were bound up with this child; we felt he was our earthly all, our only source of innocent recreation in this heathen land. But God saw it was necessary to remind us of our error, and to strip us of our only little all. O, may it not be vain that he has done it. May we so improve it that he will stay his hand and say 'It is enough'."

My heart resonates with Ann's. I know what it is to bind one's heart up with one's child. See the tenderness with which she writes "to strip us of our only little all". Her statement, "May we so improve it" meant "May we take the lesson God is teaching us to heart, learning wisdom so well that He does not have to repeat the lesson". I am sure Ann understood that God gives trials to His loved children so they can learn more of Him, of His character, of His grace, and so they can in turn impart those lessons to other suffering Christians.

Adoniram kept on preaching and translating the Scriptures into the Burmese language, and after 17 years of work, he reported 10 Burmese converts.

Then war broke out between Britain and Burma. Adooniram was arrested, because he spoke English so was suspected of being a spy. Half-starved, fettered in irons, sometimes suspended by his mangled feet with only his head and shoulders touching the ground, he took courage when his wife, nursing a tiny baby (Maria) visited him and pled with officials for his release.

Only a few months after his release, his wife died, followed six months later by his daughter.

He entered a deep, dark depression, wondering if he had become a missionary for all the wrong reasons. He retreated from people, then to live in isolation in the jungle. It took nearly two years for Adoniram to begin to climb out of the darkness. God would not let him go.

He married a second wife, Sarah, who bore him eight children, five of whom survived to adulthood. When she grew ill they set sail for America, hoping that a change of climate would restore her health. Alas, she died on board ship.

He married a third wife, Emily, and they had four very happy years together. When Adoniram fell ill, their only hope was to send him on a voyage. He was miserable, vomiting, experiencing much pain. He was heard to say, "How few there are who die so hard!"

Adoniram laboured 37 years as a missionary, with only one trip home. He had set a goal of translating the Bible and founding a church of 100 members. When he died, he left the Bible, 100 churches, and over 8,000 believers.

His legacy continues to this day. Officials in Burma (now Myanmar) have stated that Judson's English-Burmese dictionary is very clear, and that there is no need for revision. There is a large number of Baptists in Myanmar due in part to Judson's influence.

Churches, universities, and a ship was named in his honour. Even Ann, his first wife, had a college named in her honour, and her letters about their mission inspired many Americans to become or support Christian missionaries.

John Piper wrote a sermon based on the Judsons. He demonstrated that God purposes to spread the gospel to all peoples, and that He uses suffering to accomplish this purpose.

Adoniram Judson's life illustrates that truth.

Adoniram once wrote, "Remember, a large proportion of those who come out on a mission to the East die within five years of leaving their native land. Walk softly, therefore; death is narrowly watching your steps."

Read John Piper's sermon here:

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Biographies/1528_How_Few_There_Are_Who_Die_So_Hard/


We do well when we study these great men and women. We do well to emulate them.

In Christ,
Janet

Slander; libel - displeasing to God

I was rebuked yesterday by a well-meaning poster who wanted me to know the difference between slander and libel. One is saying something bad about someone else, with the intent to hurt or defame; the other is writing something bad, with the same intent.

Seems to me, a Christian should be more concerned about how she treats fellow Christians than about whether something is slander or libel.

My dear husband led us in Bible study this morning (as is his regular practice). We happen to be reading through 1 Corinthians, and this morning's reading was chapter 4. Paul explains that he is a servant of Christ, as all Christians ought to be. He is also a steward of the mysteries of God: it is his responsibility, as an apostle, to teach the gospel. He doesn't care about the judgment the Corinthians have placed on him. What matters to him is the Lord, the righteous Judge. He will bring to light the hidden things, and will reveal the purposes of men's hearts.

When a Christian attacks another, she or he ought to be very, very careful to seek the Lord and to examine his or her own heart before God. Ask, "why do I need to say this? Do I have all of the facts? Is it important? Will it further the kingdom of God?"

Paul goes on to say that he is a fool for Christ's sake. I would say that Stacy McDonald and Jennie Chancey are fools for Christ's sake. They are sending a message to Christian women that the best thing they can aspire to be is a keeper at home, ministering to their own husband and the children that God gives them. It is not a popular message, but it is the truth. God designed women to bear children, and this is the greatest thing they can do. Nothing compares to receiving "a man from the Lord". The miracle of childbirth, the secret formation of a baby in the womb, the fact that babies survive all of the many things that can go wrong in those nine months...all of these are miracles planned by the Living God. Serving one's husband with joy is a blessed thing, as is being loved and honoured and held in high esteem by that same husband.

I have a relative, through my husband, who is an accomplished writer. She is a researcher, a professor, a facilitator. She travels extensively and her work is in high demand worldwide. She recently confided to me that all she really wants to do is to stay home, to be with her husband, to enjoy their home together. That is the real appeal - not the hotel rooms and the praise and the acknowledgment.

Back to Stacy and Jennie: they are wise women. "Being reviled (they) bless; being persecuted (they) endure; being defamed, (they) entreat. (See 1 Cor. 4:12)

We ought to imitate these dear ladies, following them as they follow the Lord.

For a great essay on Slander, go here: My Miscellanies.blogspot.com

I am going to require my children to read this essay, and also read the other ones linked at the bottom of the page. Great homeschooling course, in my opinion.

Janet

Prairie Muffin

I am finally admitting publically to the world that I am, indeed, a Prairie Muffin, as defined in the "Prairie Muffin Manifesto" (see link on sidebar).

I enjoy Carmon Friedrich's wit and wisdom, as well as her transparency. I can agree with the Prairie Muffin Manifesto, and I plan to read it from time to time to remind myself of my high calling to be a wife, a mother, and a keeper at home.

To my shame, I have to admit that just yesterday, I did not conform to tenet #10) Prairie Muffins are patient and forbearing, not responding rashly to slights, perceived or real.

My dear husband has been under a lot of stress lately (God is definitely squeezing him to see what comes out!) Normally, Rick is patient, steadfast, slow to anger, and kind, but with trucks breaking down and drivers putting them in ditches, and with dealing with unreasonable people on a day-to-day basis, my normally steady husband's fuse has been uncharacteristically short. He has become impatient with me.

I don't like it. I take it personally. And instead of going to my dear Lord and pouring out my heart in prayer, I am pouty and angry and I respond rashly. Sigh.

Here I am, a Titus 2 woman, who desires to teach women younger than me, and wants to be a good example of godliness to my children -- and I waste precious time being a grouch because my dh raised his voice at me.

Thankfully, I am not alone. Carmon, bless her heart, shared a moment of weakness in her own life. http://buriedtreasurebooks.com/weblog/?p=1530 In her confession she quoted the following two verses:

A soft answer turneth away wrath. When Rick raises his voice, I can react by being hurt and pouting, or I can respond softly, with grace. I know he loves me, and his behaviour is certainly excusable when I consider all that he is going through. I ought to pray for him, and love him, and be patient with him.


God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. My anger and wrong responses only make me feel terrible. I know God is resisting me as I grieve the Holy Spirit; yet when I confess my pride and ask forgiveness, God pours out His grace on my life.

So, this Prairie Muffin still has a lot to learn. I am glad that God isn't finished with me yet, and that He uses me to bless others, even though He knows every single thing about me that is ugly. He chose to love ME - Oh, what grace.

Lord, pour out Your grace, again, on me. I need You every hour. And when I fall into sin, again and again, keep on resisting me, so that I realize I have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no One to turn to, but YOU. Thank you that when I come to You in repentance, You are always gracious to forgive and restore. You take the dark cloud that is hanging over me, and replace it with the sunshine of Your love.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, My Saviour and Friend.

In Your name, I pray. Amen.