GRRRR - More evidence that I'm not perfect.

Bob and Dorothy came for a visit today.  Bob is our pastor, Dorothy's his wife.  They're a lovely couple, genuine, caring, soft-spoken, and kind.  We are blessed to know them, and privileged to have them as our brother and sister in Christ.

Bob led our family in a short Bible study on the book of James.  He started with James' view of himself, and James' view of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

James 1: 1 James, a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ,

James called himself a "servant" - doulos, slave.  He sees himself as nothing but a servant, but he has the very best Master - God...the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He sees Jesus as the Lord, the Sovereign God; as the Messiah who came to save the lost, and as the anointed one.  

James was the half-brother of Jesus.  They had the same mother, but different fathers.  Jesus' Father was God.  James' father was Joseph.

Pastor Bob asked the children, "What would it have been like to grow up in a home where your older brother was perfect?"  They all agreed that in some ways it would have been neat, but the example would have been very convicting.

Bob thanked the children for their prayers, and told them how grateful he is that we pray for him when he is overseas.  He reminded the kids that they were privileged to have Christian parents who teach them the Word of God and live a Christian life before them. As I sat there listening to the study, I was convicted again that I am nowhere near perfect. During the entire study, I sat there thinking, "I am not even speaking to my husband."

A few weeks ago, I was busy doing crafts with the grandkids on Co-op day.  Rick was busy doing his books, and when he was done with the billing, he brought me the invoices and asked me to get them in the mail.  "Not now," I snapped.  Couldn't he see that I was in the middle of things?

He continued to press me, so I grabbed the stuff and trotted it over to his desk.  "I'll do it later," I said.  "Or you can take it to the corner yourself."

He refused.  I thought he was stubborn.  The mail had gone for the day anyway, so I figured I could do it later.

Two weeks later, he tossed the package at me.  He'd been looking on his desk for something else, and there it was, under some papers.  I completely forgot to mail it.

"I'm sorry," I said, but the apology fell on deaf ears.  It was such a little thing.  I could have stopped what I was doing, and taken a quick trip to the corner.  In so doing, I would have honoured my husband.

Yet, he could have done it himself.  Or he could have sent one of the other FOUR people in the family that have drivers' licenses.  I stewed about it.  

It's not that I didn't feel responsible.  I did.  But I also felt frustrated.  

So, here it is two more weeks later, and our cheque hasn't arrived.  Money is tight.  Tempers are flaring.  

When I think about it some more, it just shows me what a sinner I am.  I should have dropped what I was doing and mailed the invoice.  Rick should have gracefully done it for me, knowing I was busy.  He made it an issue of whether or not I put him first in my life.  I made it an issue of whether or not he has a servant's heart.

We were both wrong.

God, as usual, is good.  When we think we're getting spiritually minded, able to teach, growing in grace, He lets us mess up so we can see what is really going on inside.  "Out of the heart the mouth speaks".  My impatience is evil.  My frustration is sinful.  There is sediment in my beaker, and it's not at all pretty.

I think too highly of myself.  I need to take a lesson from James.  I am nothing but a servant.  

But I do have the very best Master - the Lord Jesus Christ.  

Lord, help me to remember that I am truly nothing but a servant.  You are a Good Master, and you design my days and order my steps to teach my Your ways.  When grandkids are clamouring and husband is demanding and dogs are barking and the phone is ringing, help me to stop and ask You what You want me to do.  Fill me with your Spirit.  Help me to have a heart to serve.  In Christ, I pray.  Amen.