Monday, January 07, 2008

Clean Heart Journal - 1. Trustin' Him

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Prov. 3:5

I meditated on this verse. It's interesting that this is my "life's verse", picked out when I was newly saved as a 23 year old young mother and wife. Most of the time, I do trust the Lord and acknowledge Him. When I don't understand why things are the way they are, I have learned to lean on Him, knowing that He understands it all.

Lord, I do put my trust in You! I can't say I always trust You with all my heart, for I find myself sometimes holding back. What if You were to take more of what I love away from me? What if You decide to take something really big? Not my mother's car. Not the horses... but one of my children? My husband?

We all suffer losses, and we Christians know that God is the One who gives and takes away, for His good purposes. But it isn't always easy to accept it.

I still find myself going to the window to look to see if the horses are okay. I catch myself before I remind the children during supper dishes - "did you feed the horses?" I watch Linda, still missing them, and Elena, sad when she comes in from feeding the geese and the ducks, and I still grieve. Yet I know that my Lord God is steadfast, unmovable, faithful, and true.

Lord, you ARE good. I know that. So, forgive me when I am weak, when I decide to withhold a little of my trust back from You. It's foolish of me to even try to do that.

It is like a toddler, not getting what she wants, stamping her little foot and refusing to give her Mama a kiss because she didn't get her way. Foolish little girl. Doesn't she know that what is withheld from her, or taken away from her, would harm her?

Lord, I am like that foolish little child. When will I learn that You really do know best? I acknowledge that EVERYTHING I have, absolutely everything, is from You. The computer I am using is Yours. The children I cherish are Yours. My citizenship, my home, my husband...all gifts from Your Hand.

You promised to direct my path, to open up the way before me. I know you do this-- you have done so all of my life. You take me down the tangled paths with thorns and thistles on every side...and you open the way before me. You show me the straight, uncluttered path.

Lord, I thank You, and I do trust You. I acknowledge that You know it all, and that You do all things right. I wait on You to show me the way.

In Jesus' name,

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